She Said, He Said

She said that he said. She came to me in anguish. How could one Christian be so unkind about another? This person who said it is a leader in her church. It raised the question of how to respond.

First, I was sad for her and for the person who had been maligned. How awful to have to hear these kinds of things from people we respect being said about people we respect. Later, I was downright angry about it. How dare a Christian man so demean another Christian man to a third person?

In my angry stage I got a phone call from a dear Christian sister many miles from all of these people. She heard my voice and asked what was wrong – so I told her, not with names because they wouldn’t have mattered to her. In a quiet voice she said, “Vengeance is mine says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 says, ” Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ’Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”)

I knew immediately that she was right and quietly thanked God for the reminder. I am not to mete out judgment, that’s God’s job. So, how should I advise her? Her leader hadn’t said it to me so I can only think about how I might have handled it – or would handle it if someone with his position- were to say the same thing in my presence. He’s a leader after all.

Paul in his first letter to the Thessalonians said this: “We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. …See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.” (1Thessalonians 5:12-13, 15-19)

Can we respect those who labor over us and not respect some of the things they say and do among us? Would it be respectful to leave any brother or sister in the Lord with a sin between them and the Father? Can we admonish them and keep the peace among us? How long are we to be patient with people who show no signs of repentance or change? What do we do so the Spirit is not quenched?

Whenever I hear these kinds of things I like to go back to Matthew 18. God has set up a pattern we are to follow when we have something against another person. We are to approach them, in love, in order to encourage them to reconcile with God. If they refuse to hear us or deny the sin, then we are to take a witness. (This means the witness may tell us that we’re wrong about the matter.) But, if they continue to refuse to turn from their sin we are to take them to the church – even if they are a leader in the church.

Paul addresses this in 1 Timothy 5:19-20. Apparently charges against leaders is something he expected us to have to deal with. He said, “Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.”

Most of today’s Christians are horrified by the idea that anyone would be rebuked in public but Paul says there’s a reason why we do it. We should want others to stand in fear of falling into sin. If no one is ever publicly admonished for their sin others will know no fear. Maybe this is where we’ve gone wrong. For the case at hand, even leaders in the church aren’t afraid of the judgment of God.

Remember, if we follow the Matthew 18 model anyone could avoid this public display and rebuke of their sin by confessing when first approached. God has great compassion and shows us many kindnesses in the opportunities He gives us to turn from our sin. It is when we insist on persisting in it that His wrath is to be feared.

The writer of the Book of Hebrews said that God said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.”

He also said, “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

(Hebrews 10:30-31)

When she said to me what he had said to her, I was so surprised I couldn’t respond with more than tears. Now, after going through God’s word I say that she needs to go talk to him, maybe with a witness this time.

 

I pray that the “she said that he said” won’t have to happen in front of the church.